Why I Get "Nothing" Done All Day

If you're a HuffPost reader, you may have seen an article published recently written by Janie Porter of SheJustGlows.com {a blog I happen to enjoy} explaining why SAHMs get nothing done all day. I am one who is frequently trying to explain to my husband why the house looks like a disaster area even though I was home all day. Sometimes I look around myself and think, "GOSH, look at this place! What the heck did I do all day??" And then I remember. I take care of a 4 year old and 15 month old all day. While I really enjoyed reading her explanation of why she gets nothing done all day, there were some striking differences between hers and the reasons I get nothing done all day {spoiler alert: her housekeeper arrived while she was trying to get ready for a play date... that has never happened to me}. And so I was inspired to document a typical day around here and share my own version for what it's worth.

6:30 am - Josh's alarm goes off. It doesn't totally wake me up, but sleep becomes light and intermittent as I hear him up and about getting ready for work. Also, it's sunny.

7:30 am - Josh is about to leave for work and Carsen hears him. He brings her into bed with me so she doesn't wake Reagan. He kisses us goodbye and is on his way. Carsen wants to snuggle. In case you're wondering, by "snuggle" I mean she wants to lay with her forehead pressed against mine and pinch/play with the skin on my neck while she sucks her thumb. Just to clarify.

7:45 am - Carsen is bored of "snuggling" and asks to watch DisneyJr on the Kindle. I hand it to her and reclaim my neck skin. I close my eyes in a somewhat more comfortable position while I listen to an episode of Sheriff Callie in one ear and Reagan stirring around on the monitor in my other ear. If you're unfamiliar with Sheriff Callie, I'd urge you to pull up a clip of it on YouTube and then try to close your eyes and relax while it plays. Doing this in your last 30 minutes of potential rest/sleep for the next 18 hours will help give you the full effect.

8:30 am - Reagan is undeniably up for the day. Carsen jumps up to go in and talk to her while I get dressed, put in my contacts, and brush my teeth. I get clothes for the girls and we head downstairs.

8:45 am - Reagan can not function in the morning until she nurses. She just refuses. I don't even try to do another thing before nursing her, because she's already yelling at me about it before my feet hit the living room floor. I nurse Reagan while Carsen whines about how she's hungry and wants me to feed her first.

9:00 am - Head into the kitchen to get breakfast for the girls. On most days they want some combination of fruit, Greek yogurt, and Cheerios. The order of which varies day-to-day. Today everyone had yogurt first. Since our kitchen table & chairs sold on Craigslist 2 weeks ago, we've been eating on the living room floor. So, we head back to the living room where Carsen feeds herself, and I feed Reagan. I turn on the Today show so I can have a clue what's going on in the world today, and I learn something useless like what's trending on Google.

9:15 am - The girls are ready for their 2nd course of breakfast which today is Cheerios. Carsen asks for hers in a bowl with milk and Reagan gets hers on the tray of her high chair. Since they can both manage this themselves, I'm free to make something for myself for breakfast at this time. I pull out the eggs to make my usual scrambled eggs with parmesan and whatever suitable meat is in the fridge. I also prepare two cups of milk to take out with me for the girls.

9:30 am - Momentarily the girls are finished eating. I wipe their hands and faces, give them their milk cups, and sit down to eat my breakfast. Both girls stand in front of me asking for my food. Carsen asks politely for a "taste" while Reagan frantically signs "eat" while yelling "ee, ee, ee, ee!" and climbs onto my lap. I share a few bites and shoo them away so I can eat. Carsen obliges, Reagan does not.

10:00 am - I manage to finish my breakfast and start hauling all the dishes into the kitchen. While standing at the sink I'm reminded to grab a mug for coffee. I place it under the Keurig and go back to the dishes.

10:05 am - Crises in the living room. Reagan is standing on the couch changing tv channels and Carsen needs help opening a bin of Barbies to play with. Reagan has pooped. I change her diaper and decide I'll try to catch the host chat segment of Kelly & Michael. Carsen is now playing the xylophone and Reagan wants to climb on me.

10:15-11:00 am - We play, dress up, cry, sing, fight, and read books.

11:00 am - I decide it's time to head outside for a little while. I go out onto the deck to clear spider webs from the night before and wipe out the water table. I spend about 10 minutes getting the water table wiped, positioned for maximum shade, and filled with water. Another 10 minutes passes while Carsen uses the bathroom and I get shoes on everyone.

Note: this photo was taken from inside the house after we played, because it hadn't occurred to me to take any photos of our day before this moment. 

11:30 am - We're outside enjoying some sunshine and splashing in the water table. This lasts about 20 minutes before the girls are too hot {bright red sweaty faces} and ready to go in.

12:00 pm - The girls play in the play room while I try to empty the dishwasher. I get about 3/4 finished before my help arrives.

12:15 pm - I notice my coffee cup still sitting under the Keurig awaiting the coffee I never made. I make coffee and join the girls in the play room.

12:30 pm - Reagan is signing to "eat" and wants a snack before her nap. I give her a banana, clean her up, change her diaper, and take her upstairs to bed. Carsen asks to watch Super Why while I put Reagan to bed.

1:00 pm - Back downstairs to make lunch for Carsen and myself. Since we're eating in the living room I let her continue watching Super Why while we eat. After lunch she lays on the couch to rest. I've decided that napping for 3 hours was just too much of her day at age 4. If she's not interested in resting on the couch, it's at least time for her and I to spend 1-on-1.

1:30 pm - While Carsen rests I have a minute to reply to texts, emails and FB messages about things I've posted for sale. I try to get back to everyone and coordinate times/days to meet up, answer questions, etc.

2:30 pm - I retrieve another half a dozen items from the basement that I need to take photos of and post for sale. I work through taking photos first, then start writing up the postings on Craigslist, then add photos and info to my FB "for sale" album.

3:30 pm - Reagan wakes up. She needs a diaper change and we play for a little while.

4:30 pm - We go back outside on the deck to play again. There's more shade in the afternoon so we get close to an hour of outside time.

5:30 pm - Josh is home from work. The girls are happy to see him and are immediately done playing outside. I clean up and drain the water table and head inside to make dinner.

5:45 pm - I prep dinner while Josh and the girls play. Reagan visits the gate in the kitchen doorway frequently to fuss at me and let me know she'd like me to hold her / she'd like to come in to play with the recycling and throw my dish towels on the floor. I simultaneously try to finish my cup of coffee.

6:15 pm - Dinner is ready. I cut some up and take it to Reagan. She's happy to see food. Carsen whines about her dinner which I'm on my way back to the kitchen to get. Josh feeds Reagan while I get Carsen's plate and my own plate ready. I return with our food while Josh goes to get his. Reagan is done with her food first and then proceeds to other family members to beg/borrow/steal from their plates.

7:00 pm - Dinner is finished and I clean up while Josh and the girls play a little more. After cleaning up I join them for some running around and giggling.

7:45 pm - We sit down to read a few books to settle before bed. Carsen doesn't want to read books. Reagan chooses a few of her favorites. Carsen sits down with us despite not wanting to read books and complains about the choices. I suggest she choose a few herself. She goes upstairs to her room and returns with the complete Beverly Cleary collection, Ramona Quimby - Ralph S. Mouse {a boxed set we have for her for later}.

8:00 pm - Reagan realizes someone is on the stairs and immediately wants to go up for bed. She's funny like that. I quickly change her diaper and put her in pajamas. She whines through hugs & kisses as they simply delay her getting upstairs for bed.

8:30 pm - I nurse and rock Reagan, then put her in bed. Josh lets Carsen choose a few videos to watch on his phone while they snuggle.

9:00 pm - I get back downstairs and have Carsen use the bathroom and brush her teeth. Normally Josh does bed time with her while I'm rocking Reagan, but I told him I'd do bedtime for both girls tonight. So I take Carsen upstairs, say bedtime prayers, and again "snuggle" with her, this time in her bed, for 5-or-so minutes.

9:30 pm - I'm back downstairs. This is the hour or so to accomplish anything that hasn't been accomplished today. It's also the only time Josh and I have to spend together without the girls. Much like my time with them during the day, it's hard to choose this time for chores. So, I straighten up a little and check back in with Craigslist/FB buyers. Then we sit on the couch for a little while, chat about things {mostly moving and what needs to get done}, and have a snack.

10:30 pm - It's time to head upstairs. I need to take a shower. Josh gets ready and goes to bed. By 11 I'm in bed myself. Most nights we don't hear anything from the girls, but I'd be lying to say they never wake up - they're kids. This particular night Reagan was up at 3:30 and wanted to be rocked back to sleep. Aside from that 20 minutes of awake time, I started this whole crazy routine over again around 7 the next morning.

So, it's not really that I get nothing done all day, it's just that I don't always get done what other people might think I should. I get plenty of playing, laughing, and caring for children done. I do art, and lessons, and reading. We run errands, attend story time, and visit friends and family. But this is why there is dust, and laundry, and crumbs. This is why some days we look around and every single thing we've done is evident, as well as everything we haven't done. What a mixed up world we live in that we consider a mother spending all day raising and nurturing her children to be getting "nothing" done. Yet the "something" we'd have her do instead is wipe dust off of end tables and fold laundry. Are we serious? If you're asking me, the things I accomplish are far more valid uses of my time as a stay-at-home-parent than if I were doing housework all day. Which of these has more impact on the world? Which of these is a more accurate measure of the person I am? Most importantly, which of these matters most to my family? Sure, a house needs taking care of and chores need to be done. Don't worry, mine get done {and not by a housekeeper}. I find the time here and there to do those things and we're all none the worse because a little dust sat around for a few days. This time that I have to be home with my children is so so short and the most important time of my life. One day when I look back on it, I don't want to remember hours and hours of chores or a sparkling clean house. I plan to remember laughs and snuggles and make-believe and tickles and kisses and dancing and stories. Hopefully I think of all the fun we had and struggle to recall how or when the chores ever got done at all.

How We Handled Our Picky Eater

{Image found here}

Picky eaters. Most parents deal with them to some degree at some point in their parenting careers. That's where we found ourselves with our just-turned-four-year-old over the course of the past year {give or take a bit}. As a little toddler, Carsen ate just about everything we offered her, especially fruits and vegetables. It seems we were sadly mistaken in believing she was just a really good eater, because somewhere in the middle of being 2 she decided to stop eating some of the foods she once devoured. After being such a healthy eater for 2+ years, her favorite foods began to drop off one by one until the only things she really wanted to eat were the dreaded "toddler standards"- hot dogs, pizza, grilled cheese, and chicken nuggets. Gah! How did we get here? And more importantly, what do we do about it??

I was determined not to make a huge issue out of food. My philosophy on just about everything in life is that if you make a big deal out of it, it will become a big deal. So we tried the casual approach. We encouraged her to eat her vegetables but more and more she declined. We thought maybe it was just a phase that she'd move on from, but she didn't. Like any parent I began to worry about her nutrition. She was still eating normal and fairly healthy stuff for breakfast and lunch, but she was eating less and less for dinner and not much in the way of vegetables at all. I also started to worry that she wasn't eating a sufficient quantity of food in those two meals with what little she was getting from her meager dinners.

Well, we all know what worried parents do... Google. Far and away, the most prominent piece of advice we found, both from people we know and the interwebz, was the "one meal" approach. Simply put, you make one family meal {no short-order cooking}, the kids must at least try each food, absolutely no snacking between meals, and no games/tricks/bribery. They eat or they don't. One mom describes looking her 2 year old in the eye and telling her to "eat it or starve" in this article I read, which I personally found heart-breaking. Supposedly this teaches kids to try new foods and become more adventurous eaters. They'll eat when they're hungry enough, right? ...Right??

We tried. We really did. It's no exaggeration when I say that she would eat dinner maybe once a week. She refused every. single. night. Instead of reducing the stress surrounding meal time, our stress went through the roof. Instead of just fussing at the dinner table, Carsen began asking me what was for dinner the minute she woke up from her nap in the afternoon and would whine and agonize about it all the way through meal time and straight through bed time. Every evening became hours of discussion over what was for dinner, what she did and didn't like, whining, crying, and other generally uncooperative behavior. We were frustrated, annoyed, and experiencing tons of guilt. Our child basically never had a bite to eat after her 12:30 p.m. lunch every day, and was going to bed crying and hungry every night. We don't have a lot, but we have enough food to eat. I can't imagine if I had to send my babies to bed crying and hungry so doing it by choice seemed utterly ridiculous and it ripped my heart out. Worst of all, we were getting nowhere with it.

Then one night while I was making another dinner I knew she wouldn't eat, and she was yet again hungry, cranky, and melting down about everything, I caved and asked, "would you like eggies and peas??" She stopped, I swear to you mid-meltdown, and literally snapped back to her sweet adorable self and said, "Yes I would!" Like flipping a switch, our entire evening did a 180. She began cheerfully bouncing around the kitchen. She ate her whole dinner. She played happily until bed time. After struggling for so long, it was miraculous. I decided that night that if she wanted some damn scrambled eggs and peas every night for dinner that was fine with me.

I immediately felt a million times better and swore to never send my child to bed hungry again as long as I could help it. Sometimes as parents we go against our instincts to follow the latest "expert" advice {or whatever "everyone" seems to be doing at the time}. Truly though, if it causes you and your child stress, it's probably not the right thing to do regardless of what any expert says. The more I thought about the hard-line, no-choice, eat-it-or-starve approach, the more insane I realized it was.

• First of all, I allow her to choose what she wants to eat for her breakfast and lunch. How confusing and frustrating it must be for her when at dinner time she's told she has no choice but to eat what I've chosen or go hungry. Not to mention as a child she is unable to make her own food and is completely at my mercy. This is a situation she literally has zero control over.
• Second, "experts" usually advise that in order to get children to cooperate, you should empower them with choices. Let them choose between the yogurt or banana, yellow shirt or blue shirt, hair up or hair down, etc. Yet when it comes to dinner, the expert advice is to allow no choice at all. What sense does that make?
• Third, my favorite, many experts love to base their advice on how to treat children by referencing how we adults would feel when treated that way. So then my question is: how would we adults feel if we were told we had to eat food we don't like and didn't choose, or starve? I think we'd probably be cranky and out-of-sorts, too. 
• Fourth, this approach flies in the face of everything I know about Attachment Parenting, a philosophy I am wholeheartedly committed to.

And so, our new approach is to feed her what she'll eat, among acceptable dinner-time foods {for goodness sake she's asking for scrambled eggs and peas, not candy}. We ask her to try three bites of the dinner I make and then she can opt for scrambled eggs if she wants. We also started a sticker chart and give her a sticker every night she eats all of her dinner. Guess what? We're going on 2 months straight that she has eaten her dinners! So maybe we're not actively expanding her pallette. Neither is  offering food she doesn't eat. She can't get any nutrition from it if she refuses to eat it. She loves fruit, smoothies, fruit/vegetable pouches, and eats plenty of healthy protein so she's still getting nutrients even if she doesn't gobble up brussels sprouts at the dinner table. Most little kids don't love vegetables. I will continue to offer them to her and otherwise feed her the best food she enjoys eating. Like I've said before- the best approach {to anything} is always to do what works for you and your family. The current "wisdom" didn't cut it for us in this case, so we tried something else that did and are all much much happier and healthier as a result!

Anyone else have experience with a picky eater? What worked for you? What didn't?

DIY Etsy-Inspired Party Invitations

As you may know, our sweet & tiny little Reaganbaby recently turned one, and we threw a little celebration in honor of the occasion. I DIYed just about the entire thing because it's a lot cheaper that way, and because I like doing that kind of stuff. I also decided to document how I made everything so I could share it with you!

One of the first things needed when planning a party is invitations. Starting with our theme - You Are My Sunshine, and a color scheme - yellow, pink, and a splash of orange, I began searching for the perfect invitations. I first looked at Shutterfly, Tiny Prints, and Snapfish since they tend to be my go-to for photo cards. Sadly they had nothing relating to the theme or colors I wanted. Moving on from there I went more specialty and looked at Etsy. There are tons of great options on there and the sellers are usually very willing to work with you. I found several designs that I liked but that weren't in my color scheme. I could change that for a $5 fee. The other thing I needed customized was two separate dates and addresses because we had separate parties for my family and Josh's (our house just isn't big enough for one big party). That's another $5 fee. Most of the invitations I looked at were $12 for a printable file. So if I add $10 in customization fees, and I only need 9 invitations... I'm spending $22 on 9 invites? That's when I looked at the designs and decided to DIY!

This design {found here} was my inspiration...

I used the following supplies:

• White cardstock
• Patterned scrapbook paper
• Plain contrasting cardstock
• Grosgrain ribbon
• Wallet-sized photos
• Scissors and/or paper cutter
• Scrapbook-quality glue

Here's how I did it:

{Side note: please excuse the poor quality of the photos. I was doing all party planning & prepping late at night after the girls were in bed, so the lighting is bad + I used my phone = ack}

I first created the design of the text using the word program on my computer. I played around with different fonts, colors and layouts until I was happy with the way it looked. All the while, I had to keep in mind that the cards would be 5x7", so I positioned the text so that it would print where I'd want it to be when the paper was cut to 5x7" {this was fairly simple just using the rulers along the top and side of the screen in the word program}. Once I had the design just the way I wanted it, I printed it out on plain white cardstock.

Since the invitations were going to be 5x7", I was able to print two per page. Once they were printed I used a 12" paper cutter {scissors would also do, you'd just have to measure and mark the paper carefully} to cut them to size.

{I printed in portrait orientation, cut vertically at 7" across, and then cut horizontally at 5" down the page to make two 5x7" cards. Since the cardstock was 8.5x11" I had some extra that needed to be trimmed off the bottom as well}

{What one 5x7" card looked like, printed and cut}

The next step was adding the decorative scrapbook paper. I chose a paper with a yellow chevron design. I wanted a simple band across the bottom of the invitation, so I measured and cut the bands to size and then glued them onto the cardstock with a few dots of scrapbook glue. Glue dots or probably any other adhesive would also work, you just don't want anything that will make the paper too wet so it doesn't look all wavy and wrinkly when it dries!

For the photo, I measured and cut pink cardstock rectangles to be just slightly larger than the size of the photos. I carefully centered the photos on the pink rectangles and glued them in place. Then I glued the whole thing onto the invitations.

The final touch was a band of grosgrain ribbon where the decorative paper met the cardstock. I measured the ribbon to be about 2" longer than the width of the invitation {so about 9"}. I applied a thin stripe of glue along the border of the decorative paper and pressed the ribbon on, leaving about an inch over the edge on each side. Then I flipped the invitation over, folded the ends of the ribbon down, and secured them with a dot of glue.

And the final product looked like this...

Here's another look at the inspiration photo for comparison. Not too bad, right?

It does take a little more of your time to DIY a project like this than it would to upload and order prints of a purchased file, but the cost savings is significant especially if you have some of these supplies on hand. Here's my cost breakdown:

Cardstock (had on hand) = Free
Decorative paper = $0.39 for one 12x12" sheet
Pink cardstock = $0.25 for one 8.5x11" sheet
Wallet photos = $0.50 for two sheets of 9 photos
Grosgrain ribbon = $1.98 for two 6' spools
Glue (had on hand) = Free
Paper cutter (had on hand) = Free

Grand Total = $3.12
Compare that to the customized Etsy price of $22.00 and remember that I only needed 9 invitations! That's over 85% savings.

With a little creativity, this design could be easily customized in countless different ways. A little ribbon, some colorful paper, any type of embellishment like the cute sun in the inspiration photo, or your own photos like I used, and you've got a beautiful invitation completely personalized for any occasion. One of the biggest advantages to DIYing this project, was that my invitations had texture and dimension. If I had purchased a printable file from Etsy, the whole thing would have printed like a photo- the ribbon, the sun embellishment and all would have just been a flat printed image on a piece of paper. I liked that the ribbon was actually ribbon on mine, and the embellishment {whatever I had chosen} was also 3 dimensional. 

Keep Calm and Princess On

Our 3.9-year old loves princesses. It started early. She was mesmerized by jewelry before the age of one. Before she knew her colors by name {between 1.5-2 years old} she was consistently choosing pink, yes, choosing. Around the same time, she started asking to wear dresses every. single. day. Then came the discovery of tiaras, and before we knew it we were living with a princess.

You may have noticed that princesses are getting some bad press these days. Some would probably say our daughter has fallen victim to the gender specific marketing of toys and so-called "Princess culture," a device of our capitalist society to keep women in the kitchen where they belong. Others might even say we've dropped the ball as parents by letting this happen. You see, princesses send the wrong message to young girls- that they're helpless and need a man to save them. Princesses don't really send the message that girls should focus on their education or a career either since they generally dance around a castle all day, helpless and waiting for a man. Worst of all, princesses tend to be pretty, wear pretty dresses, and have lots of jewelry {so as to attract a man}. This leads young girls to believe that their value lies only in their physical appearance. 

I don't entirely disagree with those concerns. And yet, we let her play princesses to her heart's content and let her choose pink toys, clothes, shoes, crayons, you-name-it, whenever she wants.

Here are 5 reasons we're going to keep calm and princess on:

1. Princesses have come a long way since Cinderella.

In case you haven't seen a princess movie lately, they're not all damsels-in-distress anymore. In fact, most of the princesses in the more recent movies are the heroines of the story. Carsen hasn't seen most of the princess movies, but the ones she has seen have strong main characters. Anna & Elsa are her current favorites, and if you haven't seen Frozen, you should. Additionally, not all princesses are a creation of the Walt Disney corporation! What?! I know, it's shocking. Seriously though, there is still real actual royalty out there in the world and some of them are amazing role models. The obvious example is Kate Middleton, who Carsen knows and recognizes as a princess. She's certainly beautiful and wealthy and married to a prince. But she's also a good person, a mother, and a great role model. I have no problem with my daughters looking up to her.

2. "Princess culture" and the "pink aisles" aren't a device of evil capitalists, and we're not their victims.

They're a device of parents and the other people who buy toys. Quick econ lesson for ya: In a capitalist system, consumers control the production of goods and services through demand. What people buy is what producers will make. If people buy a bunch of sparkly pink princessy stuff, that's what they'll make. If people buy pink kitchens, and pink baby dolls, and Barbies with tons of makeup on, that's what they'll make. A capitalist (a.k.a. "free") market also means we have the freedom to buy what we like and leave what we don't like on the shelf. So, if you want your daughters to play with trucks and dinosaurs, just walk 2 aisles over and there they are waiting for you. If you want your son to play with a kitchen or doll, just buy him one. It's that simple. Show toy makers what you want them to make more of by buying those toys and leaving the rest. You "vote" with your dollars. Our children aren't victims of evil toy makers. No one is trying to keep our daughters down. They're just doing smart business and trying to make their living like everyone else by giving consumers what they demand. Personally I'd much rather live in that society than one where toy makers make what they think is good for kids.

3. The bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal it becomes. 

Just like when a kid says a curse word, you don't want to make too big of a fuss over it because then they'll just keep saying it. She loves princesses. That ship has sailed. If I were to attempt to dissuade her, point her in another direction, or casually phase out the princesses it will just give them power. It's something she's attracted to, so when I start pulling her away from it she'll only want it more. Allowing her to indulge makes it just another thing we play, like sidewalk chalk and doctor, and much less likely to have some dramatic bearing on who she thinks she should be when she grows up.

4. I have no problem with domesticity, as society seems to. 

Why is it that we're so afraid of little girls playing princess or dolls or kitchen? We're afraid they'll grow up to cook and clean and raise children. God forbid! Guess what I do? Yup, I cook and clean and raise my children. I also have a Master's degree. I'm going to let you in on a secret... education, career and domestic life aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, I consider myself to have the best of it all. I'm doing what is more important to me than anything else in the world- raising my children, and I also have a solid education and degree that gives me the option to work on another passion of mine whenever I'm ready to. Sadly, society today doesn't respect domesticity as a vocation. We place value on high-powered careers above marriage, family and just about anything else. That's what I want to protect my girls from- growing up to feel like motherhood isn't a worthy choice. If they're not a highly-paid, highly-educated professional with a demanding, life-controling career then their life's work isn't valuable. Well, they are my life's work, and there is positively nothing more valuable on this planet or anything more worthy of my time, energy, creativity, or passion. I hope that they'll cherish our time together as much as I do, and that they'll want the same for their own children. None of which means they can't have a career and an education. There's plenty of time for that when babies are grown.

5. I parent, therefore it's not a big deal. 

Yes, if you park your child in front of Cinderella from the ages of 2-10 and never bother to cultivate any other interests or be any other kind of role model for her, then she'll probably grow up trying to be Cinderella. On the contrary, if you actually parent then you probably have nothing to worry about. We talk about and do all sorts of things in addition to playing princesses or babies or cooking in her play kitchen. We read together, we visit friends, we go to the library, we play at the playground, we do all types of art, we play music, we dance and sing, we run, we play ball. She loves many other things, she has many other interests, and she sees examples of strong, intelligent women all around her. I'm not even remotely concerned that playing princess is going to cause her to grow up believing she's helpless.

So, to all the moms & dads of little princesses out there: don't worry, you're not ruining them. Let them be themselves. Let them be little girls. Let them dress up, and dream, and imagine. Let them choose their toys and what color they want them to be, and it's ok if that's pink ;) Girls don't have to play with hammers and dump trucks to know their worth. They just need loving parents. Seriously, the rest is details.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution & A Sleep Update

A little while ago I wrote about some of the struggles we've been having getting Reagan to take regular naps. She had been doing pretty well at night, never put up a fight when it was time to lay down, but for most of her naps would wake up after 30 minutes. I had tried a handful of different things- laying her down earlier, laying her down later, swaddling her, not swaddling her, putting her to bed in her crib, putting her to bed in the co-sleeper in our room... you get the idea. None of those things changed her pattern for the better, some made it worse.

Feeling frustrated, I decided to check out The No-Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. As a practitioner of Attachment Parenting, I knew I wanted to try solutions that were as gentle as possible and didn't involve abandoning her to cry until she couldn't cry anymore and just passed out. So, I read the book and loved it. I decided to go with The No-Cry Nap Solution instead of The No-Cry Sleep Solution because we were struggling much more with nap time than bed time at night, and I thought it might have some insights that were more specific to our issue.

As far as the book itself, I thought it was great. I liked the way it was broken down by various different struggles and solutions so that if you knew what you were having trouble with you could go right to that section and see what was suggested. I personally decided to read through the majority of the book anyway just in case I found ideas that we could use. The advice was practical, which I appreciated. There was also enough variety of solutions offered that you could choose what works for your family. Personally, we live in a multi-level house, so pushing the baby around in the stroller until she fell asleep and then parking her in her bedroom (where you eventually want her to sleep) was not an option for us.

On the other hand, we hung blackout curtains and downloaded a white noise CD right away. We began using her bedroom for nap time {instead of the co-sleeper in our room where she slept at night}, and with the dark curtains and white noise, she was taking 2+ hour naps in less than a week! It was pretty miraculous. Just when we felt like we had tried adjusting every variable and nothing was going to convince her to sleep, three simple changes made all the difference. I can't say for sure if one of the three was the real key or if all of them together was some magic formula, but finally something worked.

And just like in the movies when you think, "well that was easy, everything is resolved and we're only 20 minutes in!" ...the plot thickens.

On New Year's day Carsen came down with a cold, and by the weekend Reagan had it. It was a pretty nasty cough complete with sneezing and runny nose. Of course, this interfered with sleep. Reagan started waking up after napping for only a short time again. I knew she was having a hard time breathing even with the humidifier in the room. This is where I made the crucial mistake. One day she woke up coughing and crying and I couldn't get her calmed down enough to go back to sleep. When I brought her downstairs with me she fell asleep in my arms. I didn't have the heart to take her back upstairs and put her in her bed {knowing it would wake her right up}, so I did what I think most moms would do and snuggled my sick little baby. She slept for another hour. Unfortunately, from that point on, naps became hit or miss. I figured it was partially due to her cold, and partially because she was just out of rhythm from being sick. Then a few days later we were going to visit grandparents for dinner and she had skipped a morning nap, then woke up after a 30 minute afternoon nap. Knowing that she really needed the rest, I decided to hold her and let her sleep a little longer. After that naps became a huge struggle. She woke up after 30 minutes every time and refused to go back to sleep unless she was being held. Now that our reforms were no longer doing the trick, I was kind of back at square one and wondering what to do next.

Here's a confession: I began to realize that the No-Cry approach might not cut it.

As I tried desperately to get her to fall asleep and stay asleep, things just got worse and worse. She went from taking short naps, to waking up as soon as I put her in bed, to not even falling asleep after nursing like she always had. She would start crying and wiggling as soon as she finished nursing because she knew the next step was the bed. I tried holding her for 20 minutes to make sure she was good and asleep, but the screaming started again as soon as I'd lean forward even the slightest bit to put her into the crib. I tried staying with her, rubbing and patting her back, shushing and soothing. She eventually wouldn't even stay laying down for me to help her fall asleep. It was hold her or nothing. Every nap had become this traumatic, hour-long screaming event. Hardly a no-cry situation.

To make matters a little more complicated, this was all happening right before Josh took a trip with his brothers for 4 days during which the girls and I stayed with my mom. While our nap schedule and routine was falling apart, we were about to really start over in a new house, new room, new bed. Cheers! That was a week ago {Thursday-Monday}. I can say it didn't go terribly. She slept better at nigh than she did for naps. I just decided to power through and get back on track when we got home.

We returned home on Monday afternoon. Both girls conked out right away in the car on the way home even though it's less than a 30 minute drive. I was prepared for a rough night, but was resolved that if it was going to be a rough night anyway, we were going all in. Reagan was going in her crib in her room, for nap time and bed time, and we weren't looking back.

Here's another confession: We kind of cried it out... and it worked.

I realized that going into her room every time she cried was just encouraging her to cry. At 9 months old, having previously taken stellar naps in her crib, during which I had witnessed her stirring and going back to sleep on her own, I knew this was not a matter of her needing my help to fall asleep, or being frightened or uncomfortable in her room. For the record, the case Attachment Parenting makes against CIO is that the baby is crying because they need comfort from mom or dad and assistance falling asleep. Only because I knew that was not the case for her, was I willing to leave the room. I remain a firm believer in Attachment Parenting and strongly disagree with CIO for younger babies. So Monday night began a new routine that I was resolved to stick to. I nursed her, rocked her, kissed her and put her in bed. The only reason I'd go back in was if she dropped her paci out of the crib. In that case I went in, gave her the paci, laid her back down, and left. She cried, but not for long. I knew that she knew she was in there to go to sleep, and that's what she did. She woke up once or twice during the night and after a few minutes of fussing went right back to sleep. Tuesday we did the same thing for naps. Again, she cried when I left the room but then took nice long naps. Tuesday night she only woke up once. She took great naps the rest of the week and by last night {Thursday night} she slept through without waking up at all- or at least without crying.

In less than a week, she is barely crying as I leave the room and quiet by the time I make it 3 steps down the hall to the stairs. She and I and my husband are all much better rested. She is more content throughout the day and has even been more adventurous exploring the house like never before. I can't say enough about the difference that extra sleep has made for the whole family. There has certainly been extensive research on the health benefits of adequate sleep, and everything I've read about health from losing weight to balancing hormones to clearing acne cites adequate sleep as a recommendation. In the No-Cry Nap Solution, Elizabeth Pantley explains in great detail the reasons why naps are vital to children's growth and development. She describes the "gifts" of nap time- the benefits children get during naps that they miss otherwise, even when they get adequate night time sleep. To say the least, this has been a major positive change in The Luckiest household.

As I have often said, more than anything I'm a believer in doing what works. I love AP. Love it. I will continue to use it forever and ever. But I have to do what works for my family and my children, even if it's not what AP recommends. If there is one thing we all must be as parents, it's flexible. In this case, flexibility paid off. We tried something new and scary, something I thought I'd never do, and we were rewarded greatly. I think the take-away message here is to never say never, and trust your gut. Despite what my philosophy-of-choice recommended, we branched out because it wasn't working for us. I knew leaving the room would teach her that bed time was bed time, no games. I listened to that mom-voice, and here we are!

I'd love to hear from others if you had sleep troubles with your little ones and what worked for you! I'd also enjoy hearing stories from others who had to depart from their parenting philosophies when something just wasn't working. Have you ever tried something you thought you'd never do as a parent??

Advent 2013

For me, there is no more exciting time of year than the Christmas season. I've always loved Christmas and do even more now that I'm a mom. Watching your babies experience the magic of Christmas - from Santa, to snow, to the miraculous birth of Baby Jesus - is like nothing else in the world. It gives me some serious warm fuzzies! So you can imagine my excitement each year when it's time to start the countdown. We celebrated Advent for the first time last year when I felt like Carsen was big enough to start understanding that Christmas is a celebration of the birth of Jesus. Of course, even this year she is a little young to grasp the notion of a savior, but I'm happy to start with the idea that we're celebrating his birth.

Last year, I made an advent calendar using some pretty winter cardstock I had on hand, and some leftover Christmas ribbon. You can read the how-to along with our list of Advent activities here. It was really cute, but it got on my nerves a little with the way it was assembled. So this year, I decided to simplify the calendar itself. I still wanted it to be reusable for future years, though, so I used a piece of foam-core posterboard and a pad of sticky notes. I started by making a calendar grid on the posterboard {it was 20" x 30" so I made 4x4 squares and left a 1" margin on each side of the 30" length}. Then I wrote each of the activities on the back of a sticky note - 23 total this year. Since certain activities are better for weekends or some are better for earlier/later in the month, I used our Google calendar to plan out what activities to do on which days and stuck them on the Advent calendar accordingly.

Once all the sticky notes were in place, I just used silver and black Sharpies to write the countdown numbers on them. I personally like to do the numbers as a countdown, although I know a lot of calendars count up to Christmas. To hang it, I placed a command hook upside down on the back of our basement door. Then I hot glued some ribbon to the back of the calendar and looped the ribbon over the command hook. Voila!

 Originally, I had my heart SET on red sticky notes. In my mind, they were everywhere for the holidays. I mean, they're sticky notes... how else would they capitalize on the holiday season?? In reality, I could find them nowhere. It got to be a few days in when I finally decided to just use blue and go with a "winter" color scheme. They're a little too electric blue for my taste, but I feel that I did the best I could with the resources that were available. I did find a pack of Post-Its that were more of a dark blue and they would have looked better, but I couldn't bring myself to spend $8 on a 6-pad pack when I only needed 23 stickies. UGH. I'll begin my hunt for red {or even a nice true green that's not neon!} for next year's calendar promptly on January 1st.

In the mean time, here's our list of activities for this year:

• Decorate the tree and our house together


• Read "The Story of Christmas"


• Make cards for soldiers


• Write a letter to Santa {Carsen dictates, mommy writes. Save it in her baby book!}


• Visit Santa {at the mall}


• New Christmas jammies


• Christmas movie night #1 - Carsen's pick


• Make ice cream cone Christmas trees with cousins


• Learn about the symbols of Christmas


• Make paper cone Christmas trees for decorations


• Visit Valley View Farms {Carsen LOVES looking at Christmas trees in the stores, so this is a huge treat for her}


• Make brown paper garland {like this} for decorations


• Christmas movie night #2 - mommy's pick


• Make gifts for grandparents


• Make & decorate cardboard "Gingerbread" houses


• Go see Christmas lights in the neighborhood


• Read "The Night Before Christmas"


• Make ice bubbles


• Christmas movie night #3 - daddy's pick


• Hot cocoa bar {like the one in this post}


• Make a birthday card for Jesus


• Bake cookies


• Make {prep} a special breakfast for Christmas morning

Some of these are repeats from last year and some are new. As Carsen {and eventually Reagan and any future siblings} gets older there's more she can understand and participate in, so I'll change and adapt what we do each year accordingly.  Some things will probably always be on there like decorating the tree and house together as a family, Christmas movies, baking cookies, and making gifts for grandparents. In the future I'd like to add more service-related activities like volunteering and gathering food, toys, clothing or household items for donations {right now we usually do that around Thanksgiving}.

So far, we have... decorated, read "The Story of Christmas," made cards for soldiers, written a letter to Santa, visited Santa, and gotten new Christmas jammies.

 

 

 

Easy DIY Baby Food / Pouches

We are currently past (or in between, I guess) the baby food stage since Carsen is now 2.5, but she is a huge fan of the organic fruit & vegetable pouches. We love to use them when we're on-the-go as an easy, but still nutritious, snack. Sometimes if we're going somewhere fun and I know she's unlikely to to stop and eat a meal, I'll bring one of those pouches so that I know she at least got some kind of nutrition. If you've ever bought these pouches though, you know that they aren't cheap as every variety I've ever found is around $1.50 per pouch. If I buy 10 or so at a time to have on hand, I'm spending roughly $15 on pouches.

Since whole fruits and vegetables are much cheaper by quantity than the pouches, why not just buy the fruits and vegetables and skip the pouches? There are a couple of reasons. First, pouches are much more portable. They take up significantly less space in your bag than individual servings of different fruits and vegetables. They don't need to be cooked or refrigerated. They aren't at risk for squashing or bruising since they're already pureed - though if you tried really hard, they could potentially burst. AND they are suitable for eating in the car (if your child is able to handle a squeeze pouch with minimal supervision) whereas you might not hand your toddler a carrot or spinach leaf to munch on while in a moving vehicle.

What's a mom to do? Lucky for me our local eco-friendly, baby/mama-centered consignment boutique (that's what they call themselves) has started selling re-useable pouches that can be filled with your own food. Wait, let me clarify that. The store also sells NEW items, these are not re-usable as in "consigned" food pouches. {Ick.} They offer the best of both worlds - I get to buy my own organic produce for a fraction of the cost per quantity than pre-pouched food, and I can still serve it easily on-the-go in the convenient pouch form.

Originally I thought it seemed too time-consuming to make my own pureed fruits and vegetables, but I'm here to tell you that it's easy. Really. I already had everything in my kitchen that was needed, and in one 2-hour nap time I was able to make a variety of purees for weeks worth of pouches.

Here's my how-to...

What you need:

-Vegetable peeler (a knife will also do, but may be trickier)

-Mixing bowl

-Blender/food processor/hand blender/potato masher

-Ice cube trays

-Freezer bags

-Reusable pouches

Process:

1) Peel the fruit or vegetable if needed. I'll use apples as my example.

2) Chop into chunks

3) Place in a sauce pan or pot (depending on quantity) with 1/4-1/2" water

4) Cover and steam until soft

5) Place chunks and some of the steam water if desired into a mixing bowl. If you're using a food processor or blender you don't need the mixing bowl.

6) Use your implement of choice (I used a hand-blender which I really love) to puree the food.

7) Spoon small amounts of puree into ice cube trays and freeze until solid

8) Place frozen cubes into freezer bags, label, and return to freezer until needed. The individual cubes make it easy to pull a little bit of this and a little bit of that to make your own mixtures.

Some foods don't require peeling, like broccoli or spinach, and some foods don't require cooking like pears or blueberries. Other foods require nothing but scooping & freezing like Greek yogurt or canned pumpkin. You can also use frozen options which often eliminate the peeling and chopping steps - just thaw, steam and puree! If you have a baby who needs pureed food you can take small portions of your family dinners and puree them for later. So it's a slightly different process depending on what you're making, but the bottom line is that once the food is soft enough to be pureed then you just use your preferred method and you're all but done. It would be easy to do a big batch on a Sunday while your babes nap, or you could do smaller batches one night each week. 

For $5.99 a 3 lb. bag of organic apples made enough apple sauce to create 10+ pouches depending on how I mix them with other fruits and vegetables. The same number of store-bought pouches would cost me 2-3x that amount. As a one-income household, we'll be even happier about the savings once Reagan is ready for baby food in another 7-8 months and we're going through even more of it. 

For anyone who's interested, here are a few DIY baby food resources that I've found helpful:

- Top 100 Baby Purees by Annabel Karmel A great book that not only offers basic information and instructions for making baby food, but breaks down food recommendations by age and offers creative, baby-friendly mixtures and recipes. 

- Wholesome Homemade Baby Food A website that also gives great tips and advice for making baby food broken down by age.

- The Peaceful Mom blog A DIY baby food plan and free printable menu planner. Also an overall great blog for parenting and saving money and keeping an organized household.

- Pinterest as always :)

Leave me a comment if you have any questions or DIY baby food making advice!

Where to Begin

So the Christmas decorations are packed up and put away. Christmas gifts have all found their new homes, and plenty of older, unused/no-longer-needed items are bagged for donation. I've also sold $50 worth of items I cleaned out of my closet- woot :) 

Now that the holidays are over and cleaned up after, it's time for baby prep! We are just 10 and a half weeks away from our March 26 due date and starting the process of making our house ready for Reagan! You wouldn't think there'd be much to do the 2nd time around but there is actually a decent to-do list. Pretty much the only thing we don't have to do is put a nursery together and make big purchases. Though we do have to put Carsen's big-girl room together which involves paint/wall treatments, making a blanket (I'll explain why when I blog it), making a window treatment and matching bed skirt, adding book storage and some kind of seat (I'm thinking just a bean bag) for a reading corner, hanging photos/art/shelves. So that mostly makes up for not having to do a nursery. Some of it doesn't have to be done before Reagan arrives though, so that helps.

To get ready for Reagan, we need to do things like...

- Pull out, clean and make a place for baby equipment like the swing and pack & play

- Pull out, clean and set up the bassinet

- Install the infant car seat base

- Pull out and wash clothing, blankets, bibs, burp cloths, etc. then stock dresser & closet

- Clean the nursery since it's not currently being used

- Make plans for Carsen for when we go to the hospital

I'm certain there are some others that I'm forgetting because it's late. I also have a non-essential list that includes getting a playlist ready for the hospital, making the baby book, and changing out the photos & accessories in the nursery that were Carsen's for ones that will be Reagan's. 

For all of the essential items I am in the process of creating a week-by-week check list to make sure things get done in plenty of time. There are some things that can be done way ahead and others that I'd rather do closer to the due date, so the weekly list helps keep me from forgetting something until the last minute that I should have done earlier on. I'll share that list when it's done. 

Right now Carsen's room is priority 1. We need to buy our supplies and find a good time to work on it. Since she is already using her room I can't very well work on it while she's napping, and when she's awake... well, that would be impossible too. We might have to call in Nana to come over and play while I work. It's a small room so it shouldn't take a lot of time, I just need some kid-free time to do it. Once her room is painted I can work on the textiles easily during naps and after she goes to bed at night. I plan to have the progress posted as soon as things get underway! And for those of you who recall the major paint indecision I went through when choosing a color for our main level, let not your hearts be troubled. The color for her room is chosen :)

Insanity

Insanity is the one word I would use to describe the past week and a half-ish. In fact, it's difficult for me to believe that it was only that long ago that C and I spent the day at my sister's house helping to keep her kids happy and busy while she packed their house up for a weekend move. We went back to do the same thing on moving day (Oct 20). My sister has 5 children, ages 13 years - 11 weeks, so she can use a hand, or 4, keeping the kids occupied when they have a major project going on such as packing up the whole house in boxes to move!

Sadly, the move did not go as smoothly as one would have hoped. Without hashing through the details, there were several injuries- one which took my 7-year old nephew to Johns Hopkins Hospital in a helicopter, and another that required my brother-in-law to see an orthopedic specialist within 48-hours of moving day. While all were at the hospital, J and I stayed at the house (the one they were moving out of) with 3 of the kids- they took the infant and of course the injured one- until about 1am. The great news is that everyone was fine, they just required some specialized treatment. As dire as the situation sounds, my nephew was calm enough to enjoy his first helicopter ride and tell us about it later. He was a champ. Everyone is home now, and after a few more days of frantic work, the move is complete.

That event settled down around Wednesday of last week, just in time for us to start preparations for J's sister's wedding this past Saturday. Family & friends began arriving in town on Thursday from as far away as Detroit, Dallas, and Salt Lake City. Thursday night we had a big family dinner at a local restaurant which just happens to bear the family name (coincidence, no relation), followed by a relaxed "after party" at my in-laws' house where many cousins played and ran and danced until bed time. At said party I was able to capture an adorable video of C doing the cupid shuffle with her aunts, uncles & cousins.

Friday morning we got up early to do some yoga, then spent most of the day at a nearby salon getting manicures & pedicures. We rehearsed for the wedding at 5, and then had a lovely dinner to celebrate and hang out before the big event.

 Playing with her cousin, Collin

The groom serenading the bride :)

Being silly with uncle Frank

Saturday started with hair and make-up being done throughout the morning, and before we knew it we were all in dresses looking stunning. We got to the church right on time and the ceremony went perfectly. Unfortunately since I didn't get to spend very much time with C on Friday or Saturday, she was way out of sorts by Saturday evening. As if I wasn't struggling enough to keep my emotions under control as I walked down the aisle, she was in the 2nd row crying and screaming, "Hold you mommy!" over and over from the time she could see me until J finally left the sanctuary with her when the processional was over. Sadly I was a bit distracted and worried about her through the rest of the ceremony. 

After the ceremony we took C to my mom's house and she was perfectly happy. She happily got down and pulled out her favorite toys and started playing. She kissed us goodbye without a care and went on to have a perfectly fine night. And so did we! The reception was great, held at a lovely mansion not too far from our hometown. Food was delish, dancing was fun, we may have had a little too much fun with the photo-booth... but the bottom line is that we had a good time!

If that didn't make for a crazy enough weekend/week/weekend, we had only Sunday to prepare for hurricane Sandy to hit today. Thanks to the crazy weekend we had last weekend and the busy week in between, we had approximately 0 groceries in the house. I was afraid to buy anything that had to be cooked or refrigerated in case the power went out, so I grabbed what I could at Trader Joe's. I tried to focus on things we could spread peanut butter on like apples, bananas, and crackers. I also picked up some trail mix and protein bars. It has been raining hard and extremely windy all day so far, and we're being told that the next 12 hours will be the most intense. We're lucky and still have power. We've actually never lost power in this house for more than a few minutes at a time and that has been extremely rare, so I'm hopeful that our power might stay on through the night. Of course, if that's the case then I'm kicking myself for not buying any real food to eat. My biggest concern is the big trees behind our house. They're very tall and very skinny which means they always wave around far more than I'm comfortable with whenever it gets stormy outside. Our bedroom is across the back of the house so we'll be sleeping in the guest room in the front of the house tonight. Of course, the front of the house is also the north side which is currently where the winds are coming from. That is supposed to change over night to southern winds. The good news there is that the wind will be blowing against the back of the house instead of the front, but that also means it will be blowing those trees toward the back of our house which is a very rare direction for winds around here. Makes me nervous!

At this point, it's time to have a little snack and snuggle up before we head up to bed for the night. Our lights have been flickering ever so slightly over the past hour or so. Fingers crossed that they stay on. It's going to be cold tonight and tomorrow. I'll update soon!