Keep Calm and Princess On

Our 3.9-year old loves princesses. It started early. She was mesmerized by jewelry before the age of one. Before she knew her colors by name {between 1.5-2 years old} she was consistently choosing pink, yes, choosing. Around the same time, she started asking to wear dresses every. single. day. Then came the discovery of tiaras, and before we knew it we were living with a princess.

You may have noticed that princesses are getting some bad press these days. Some would probably say our daughter has fallen victim to the gender specific marketing of toys and so-called "Princess culture," a device of our capitalist society to keep women in the kitchen where they belong. Others might even say we've dropped the ball as parents by letting this happen. You see, princesses send the wrong message to young girls- that they're helpless and need a man to save them. Princesses don't really send the message that girls should focus on their education or a career either since they generally dance around a castle all day, helpless and waiting for a man. Worst of all, princesses tend to be pretty, wear pretty dresses, and have lots of jewelry {so as to attract a man}. This leads young girls to believe that their value lies only in their physical appearance. 

I don't entirely disagree with those concerns. And yet, we let her play princesses to her heart's content and let her choose pink toys, clothes, shoes, crayons, you-name-it, whenever she wants.

Here are 5 reasons we're going to keep calm and princess on:

1. Princesses have come a long way since Cinderella.

In case you haven't seen a princess movie lately, they're not all damsels-in-distress anymore. In fact, most of the princesses in the more recent movies are the heroines of the story. Carsen hasn't seen most of the princess movies, but the ones she has seen have strong main characters. Anna & Elsa are her current favorites, and if you haven't seen Frozen, you should. Additionally, not all princesses are a creation of the Walt Disney corporation! What?! I know, it's shocking. Seriously though, there is still real actual royalty out there in the world and some of them are amazing role models. The obvious example is Kate Middleton, who Carsen knows and recognizes as a princess. She's certainly beautiful and wealthy and married to a prince. But she's also a good person, a mother, and a great role model. I have no problem with my daughters looking up to her.

2. "Princess culture" and the "pink aisles" aren't a device of evil capitalists, and we're not their victims.

They're a device of parents and the other people who buy toys. Quick econ lesson for ya: In a capitalist system, consumers control the production of goods and services through demand. What people buy is what producers will make. If people buy a bunch of sparkly pink princessy stuff, that's what they'll make. If people buy pink kitchens, and pink baby dolls, and Barbies with tons of makeup on, that's what they'll make. A capitalist (a.k.a. "free") market also means we have the freedom to buy what we like and leave what we don't like on the shelf. So, if you want your daughters to play with trucks and dinosaurs, just walk 2 aisles over and there they are waiting for you. If you want your son to play with a kitchen or doll, just buy him one. It's that simple. Show toy makers what you want them to make more of by buying those toys and leaving the rest. You "vote" with your dollars. Our children aren't victims of evil toy makers. No one is trying to keep our daughters down. They're just doing smart business and trying to make their living like everyone else by giving consumers what they demand. Personally I'd much rather live in that society than one where toy makers make what they think is good for kids.

3. The bigger deal you make it, the bigger deal it becomes. 

Just like when a kid says a curse word, you don't want to make too big of a fuss over it because then they'll just keep saying it. She loves princesses. That ship has sailed. If I were to attempt to dissuade her, point her in another direction, or casually phase out the princesses it will just give them power. It's something she's attracted to, so when I start pulling her away from it she'll only want it more. Allowing her to indulge makes it just another thing we play, like sidewalk chalk and doctor, and much less likely to have some dramatic bearing on who she thinks she should be when she grows up.

4. I have no problem with domesticity, as society seems to. 

Why is it that we're so afraid of little girls playing princess or dolls or kitchen? We're afraid they'll grow up to cook and clean and raise children. God forbid! Guess what I do? Yup, I cook and clean and raise my children. I also have a Master's degree. I'm going to let you in on a secret... education, career and domestic life aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, I consider myself to have the best of it all. I'm doing what is more important to me than anything else in the world- raising my children, and I also have a solid education and degree that gives me the option to work on another passion of mine whenever I'm ready to. Sadly, society today doesn't respect domesticity as a vocation. We place value on high-powered careers above marriage, family and just about anything else. That's what I want to protect my girls from- growing up to feel like motherhood isn't a worthy choice. If they're not a highly-paid, highly-educated professional with a demanding, life-controling career then their life's work isn't valuable. Well, they are my life's work, and there is positively nothing more valuable on this planet or anything more worthy of my time, energy, creativity, or passion. I hope that they'll cherish our time together as much as I do, and that they'll want the same for their own children. None of which means they can't have a career and an education. There's plenty of time for that when babies are grown.

5. I parent, therefore it's not a big deal. 

Yes, if you park your child in front of Cinderella from the ages of 2-10 and never bother to cultivate any other interests or be any other kind of role model for her, then she'll probably grow up trying to be Cinderella. On the contrary, if you actually parent then you probably have nothing to worry about. We talk about and do all sorts of things in addition to playing princesses or babies or cooking in her play kitchen. We read together, we visit friends, we go to the library, we play at the playground, we do all types of art, we play music, we dance and sing, we run, we play ball. She loves many other things, she has many other interests, and she sees examples of strong, intelligent women all around her. I'm not even remotely concerned that playing princess is going to cause her to grow up believing she's helpless.

So, to all the moms & dads of little princesses out there: don't worry, you're not ruining them. Let them be themselves. Let them be little girls. Let them dress up, and dream, and imagine. Let them choose their toys and what color they want them to be, and it's ok if that's pink ;) Girls don't have to play with hammers and dump trucks to know their worth. They just need loving parents. Seriously, the rest is details.

Life With Two: Part 1

It's been a while since I sat down and composed a nice wordy post, but I felt like this was kind of an overdue update. Anyone with more than one child already knows what I'm going to say, but I'm putting it out there anyway as fair warning to young couples and parents of only children.

Back when Carsen was born, I did a little series of posts about transitioning to becoming a mom and all the ways life changes and how your whole perspective on the world changes. Consider this my post about the transition to parenting two. Simply put, it is simultaneously amazing and hair-raising.

Let's start with the hair-raising part.

One of the most basic differences in having two is that someone is almost always screaming for something. If I need to do something with one, the other immediately needs me. I won't say they do it knowingly, but sometimes it seems that way. You're only one person and yet two people need you to do two different things at the same time. And there is nothing more grating than trying to do anything while an infant screams... except trying to get a toddler to do something anything while an infant screams. Oh my. Molasses is the only way I can describe Carsen's actions when Reagan is crying. Half of it is probably my own anxiousness about speeding up the process so I can help Reagan, but Carsen just does not have that sense of urgency. When I only had one baby I was able to address her needs immediately, but a second baby just has to wait sometimes. And that first baby who is so used to being helped right away also has to wait sometimes. My favorite is when I'm 3 minutes into feeding Reagan and Carsen needs to use the potty which she can not do entirely on her own. If you want to know how to tick off a baby, interrupt their eating and walk away from them.

It's also more complicated to go anywhere. The toddler has to be trusted to stand on the sidewalk and not run into the street while you put the infant in the car, or you have to leave the helpless infant sitting on the ground in their car seat while you stand half-way in the car buckling a toddler. Both of those situations stress me out. Now, add rain to that scenario. Whoever waits while the other one gets buckled is out in the rain, and you the parent are in the rain the whole time. I don't even bother going anywhere if it's raining. Then when you reach your destination you have to be able to contain both children in some fashion. One in the Ergo, one in the shopping cart? One in the car seat in the shopping cart, one in the actual basket of the cart, no groceries? One in the shopping cart, one walking (refer back to molasses analogy in previous paragraph)? It's always different depending on where you're going and what you need to do there. I'm often asked by the cashiers in Wegman's if I'll need help when I get to my car. I actually have a pretty good system for the grocery store. Reagan's in the Ergo, Carsen is in the seat of the cart. Reagan goes in the car first, then Carsen, then groceries go in the trunk. It looks worse than it is. I'm in awe of people who shop with more than 2 children (ahem -- Laura ;), but I suppose with experience you get your system down.

Ready for the amazing part?

First of all, you did it again. We have yet to stop marveling at Carsen. I'm pretty amazed by her every single day and the fact that this incredible little person is my child. I'm fairly certain this will be the case forever. Now there's another one. We did it again. And she's no less incredible than her big sister. Pretty amazing, I think. People talk about wondering how they'll love a second child as much as they love their first. It's easy. You see them, hear them, smell them, you're in love. There's no one else that will ever happen with as it does with your child. It's amazing. There's just no other experience this life has to offer that could compare to being a parent.

So while they are each so wonderful on their own, seeing them together melts my heart like I never thought possible. They simply light up at the sight of each other. Reagan smiles and laughs at Carsen more easily than anyone else. Carsen says things like, "Mom, I LOVE my baby sister. She is the BEST sister in the whole world!" or "I love Reagan. She's my BEST friend!" Of course, she's three so she doesn't necessarily grasp what it means to be the best anything in the whole world, but she clearly understands the sentiment. I love that they are sisters. I love that they will share such a special and unique bond. I love that they'll have all of the fun sister experiences I had with my sister when we were little and have now as adults. I love that they love each other in the truest and simplest way - just because of the fact that they're sisters - and so look forward to cultivating that as they grow.

There ya go. Hair-raising, and yet amazing. Totally wild and crazy and wonderful all at once. And so very worth it :)

She's Three!

Somehow, three years have passed since we welcomed our first tiny little baby girl into the world and officially set off on this amazing adventure known as parenting. I have yet to stop marveling at her every single day. I marvel at her sweetness, her intelligence, her creativity, her silly little sense of humor, her beauty, her quirks, how much she looks like me, how much she acts like her dad, her passion for pink, princesses and ballerinas, her endless energy, and her amazing capacity to love. She's just incredible, and I'm pretty sure I'll never get over her.

This year we celebrated her birthday with two small family parties. We celebrated with Josh's family at our house on a Saturday and at my mom's with my family on Sunday since we get together on Sundays anyway. She was so excited that it was her birthday and all her favorite people were celebrating with her. We also went to the Os game Saturday night. It was her first game of the season and she had so much fun.

 This was an easy DIY decoration - cut the number 3 out of cardboard and glued cupcake papers on it.

 We did an ice cream sundae bar instead of cake or cupcakes for zero prep/baking. It was brilliant.

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Sunday at Nana's

We did get her a fork to eat with ;)

Our Merry Little Christmas

We've had a very busy week since Christmas, but I figured it was a good idea to get this post up before the new year! It's true that Christmas is totally different once you have your own children. I have to say that although this was C's third Christmas, it was by far the one I was most excited about (thus far) and the one that she was most excited about. There's just nothing that compares to delighting your child and watching your child be completely thrilled. Making the magic of Christmas and Santa come alive for her while at the same time introducing Jesus and His birth as the whole reason we celebrate just brought our holiday cheer to a whole new level this year.

Christmas eve surprised us with some snow flurries. Although it hardly appears to be snowing in these pictures, there was a light dusting on the ground when it finally stopped and there were even some leftovers (especially further north where our parents live) on Christmas day. Regardless, C was totally excited about it.

Later that night...

We spent Christmas day celebrating first at home, then at Josh's parents' house, and finished the day at my parents' house. It was a stellar day all around filled with fun, food, and best of all our wonderful families!

Side note: Please forgive the world's worst white balance in these photos. Josh insisted the blinds be closed with indoor lights on even though it was daylight outside, so my white balance was horribly confused and off kilter. I chose orangey on the daylight setting over bright blue on the incandescent setting :-/

New boots!

The "Christmas Barbie" she had been asking for. We went with Skipper since C is only 2.5. Bonus- she has a pug puppy :)

Daddy may have also picked up the Barbie & Ken set from Toy Story 3, one of C's very favorite movies. 

And finally, her "Christmas Bicycle!"

For the first time this year we did breakfast at home before heading out to our parents' houses. I prepped it the night before (in about 5 minutes, not counting the bacon cooking) and then baked it in the morning while C was opening her gifts. It was really good. I'll share the recipe later!

Off to Josh's parents' house!

Her Jessie doll was the toy that she wouldn't put down all day.

It was a quieter celebration at my mom's. My sister had a sick kid so she and her 5 munchkins stayed home. It was just us, my brother, his wife and their 1-year old. We still made an amazing dinner of locally-known-as-the-best-around crab cakes and filet mignon with salad, potatoes, and green beans. Once we were sufficiently stuffed we opened presents, enjoyed some pie and coffee, and then called it a night.

Merry Christmas, Eli!

{Blurry, but so cute :)}

Pretending she's drinking from an Orioles shot-glass mug my mom gave to Josh. C totally thought it was just a coffee mug made for her.

Pie!

And thus concluded our very blessed, very yummy, very merry little Christmas spent with the people we love most. We certainly couldn't ever ask for more than that :)