Monday, September 24, 2012


Have you ever been friends with someone but realized that they kind of seem to hate you even though they're nice to your face and otherwise act like you're friends? Maybe they minimize your successes or quickly point out why something you're excited about is actually stupid. Maybe everything you say in their presence is wrong, or not as {insert descriptor here} as theirs, or just gets an eye-roll. Maybe they even seem to enjoy when you're disappointed or struggling in some way. Maybe they make passive aggressive remarks on social media that they would never say to your face, but still hope you see and realize are about you. They never come to you and say that something you've said or done has upset them. You've probably never even had an argument or disagreement over something. There is no apparent reason for their behavior, and yet it's very obvious that they don't really like you. This is not actually a friendship. I always described this strange relationship as someone having a "hate crush." They just love to hate you. They stalk your life and your business like you're best friends, except their purpose is not to share your joy or cheer you on, but rather to whisper behind your back (sometimes right in front of you), or let you know how uncool/unremarkable whatever it is in your life actually is. Have you ever had this "friend"?

I don't really have an explanation for frenemies. I just don't get them. If I don't like someone, I leave them alone and distance myself from them. The idea of pretending to be friends with a person is something I'll never understand. I've never had the desire to bring someone else down or make them look bad to others. In my situation, with the frenemies I've dealt with (and there haven't been many because I'm pretty selective with who I let into my life), it has always seemed like they were trying to compete with me for some reason. It was as if they were trying to bring me down to highlight their own life. **Newsflash: making someone else look bad never makes you look good! ;)** Things in my life are inadequate or unremarkable while theirs is clearly the best/coolest/trendiest/smartest/etc. Hey, if you need to be cooler than me I am totally ok with that. As a completely non-competitive person (probably why I was never good at sports) I truly could not care less. I look around and I am surrounded by people who are wealthier, thinner, prettier, smarter, greener, stronger, taller, shorter, more artistic,  more trendy, more involved, more cultured, more pretty much anything than me. I have never, ever in my life felt that I was better than someone else. It doesn't bother me. I am beyond delighted with my life just as it is. And yet, maybe that's it.

Frenemies can't stand it when you're happy. Why? Probably has much more to do with themselves and their life than it does with you. I've never done anything to, or even had a problem with the frenemies I've dealt with. I would have been happy to be simple friends with them. Yet, for some reason they most certainly didn't want to be my friend. Anything we had in common they turned into a competition (if you can call it a competition when only one person is competing). Anything we differed on became fuel for why I was so lame.

With a person like that, you can't win for losing. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Whatever you say is wrong, but you're being bitchy if you say nothing. It is a futile and pointless relationship. In most cases, the second I detect a frenemy I start creating distance and usually drop the person entirely from my life. Sometimes there's a neighbor, or co-worker, or classmate who you know you're going to see face-to-face on a regular basis and so you just have to make the best of it. In that case, I've learned to keep my guard up. I only share certain superficial details about my life and keep any conversation to general small talk. I'm nice when they're nice and quiet when they're not. I do my best to give them absolutely nothing to say about me later. Of course, they'll come up with something if they want to, but there's only so much you can do.

My approach is just to live my life and be happy. A frenemy hates nothing more than to see you happy, and because of that I refuse to let them stop me. Think what you want, say what you want about me. I am happier than you'll ever be.

*than  >:-/

1 comment:

  1. Whenever I read these sorts of posts I am always secretly worried that the person might be writing about me. so many times things come out wrong on social media sites, and so I am always paranoid about it. if I have ever come across as a frenemy I am truly sorry. I have dealt with frenemies a lot and it really is senseless like you said.


I love hearing from you!