Part 4: Time
Interestingly, it has taken me the longest to compose this post about the role of time in my transition to Mommyhood. I guess that is due to 2 main factors: the first being a general lack of free time (which, yes, I'm much less busy in that I'm home all day and not working, but more busy in that I am caring for a baby and quite honestly spend time staring at her rather than doing house chores. Thus, there are always house chores waiting to be done. More on this in a minute.), and second being that I have a lot of mixed thoughts and feelings about this topic. Is it also interesting that when I finally sit down to hammer it out it's the longest day of the year?? So let's get started, shall we?
It will come as no surprise that day-to-day time is suddenly dictated by someone else when a baby arrives. Things that used to be easy are now a challenge to do with one hand (e.g. spreading peanut butter on a piece of bread, or typing this post). Things that used to take you 15 minutes now take double, or sometimes triple the time. By the same token 2 hours has never gone by so quickly as it does between feedings. If I ever think I have time to run to the store or make some lunch, it will invariably be time for her to eat just as I'm ready to walk out the door or sit dow to eat. Don't ask me how this happens.
But just as 2 hours has never gone so quickly, neither has two weeks, and now for that matter two months. Staying busy day-to-day sure makes the days and weeks move along quickly. Everyone tells me how quickly the time will pass and how fast she'll grow up. While I knew this all along and am now more aware of it than ever, I really hate for people to point it out to me. Why are your words to a new mom just how fast her baby is going to disappear before her eyes? While I want her to grow, I want to enjoy watching her grow without always feeling sad or fearful that it's going to happen in a blink.
So for all the moments that I wish she would play happily in her boppy pillow or take her naps in the pack 'n play, I cherish every second that we spend staring and cooing at each other. Sometimes I don't even try to lay her down when she's sleeping. One day when she's bigger I will never wish I had washed more dishes or more loads of laundry. I will never feel like I stared at her too much or our nonsense babbling conversations were a waste of time. The truth is, any time spent with her is precious. And one day she won't be content to stare and babble at me. I'll have to let her go play with her friends, and go to school and do all kinds of other things without me. So while my days of holding her and staring at her are still around, that's exactly what I'll be doing :]
Still to come is my last post in this series on various products and practices that have helped me in my transition!